Those Puritans

Family genealogy and research is a passion of mine and my family tree now contains over 60,000 members.  Many members are descended from Puritan, Quaker, and Mennonite families that sailed from the Old Country to make a new life in America.  Weren’t they amazing folk?  Their strong faith, strong ethics and moral beliefs are main reasons that our country has prospered so much in the mere 400+ years since their landing here.  After all, the term ‘Puritan Work Ethic’ is an American mainstay and a gentle reminder that everyone is expected to do their best, to excel, and to stay the course no matter what obstacles life throws at them.  Unless, of course, those people decide that they don’t want to adhere to that ethic.  Very little understanding was offered to society members choosing to walk their own path in early America.  In fact, failing to adhere to the ethic often made people targets of blame for crop failures, bad weather, illnesses and deaths.  In extreme examples, people were labeled witches and – well, we all know how that turned out in Salem.  As our country grew, these people were encouraged to skee-daddle and Go West, Young Man!  The best place for a bunch of rowdy folks is out there in the great unknown, paving the way for the rest of the civilized folks, right?  Somewhere along the timeline that Puritan Work Ethic took another sinister turn.  Class cultures formed and some folks were deemed ‘better than’ and some ‘less than’.  Isn’t that what America’s first immigrants were trying to get AWAY from?  This class culture exists in its mature form today in every part of our country.  And it is supported by an additional line to the Puritan Ethic:  “Work hard and you will receive your just rewards AND if your neighbor is apparently not as prosperous appearing as you are, he/she MUST be a slacker, a loser, a nobody who definitely belongs in the less-than category and not up in the heights of the better-than folks like you.”  There is a word for this type of attitude: narcissism.  And it is running rampant in America today.  Our modern culture is driven to be one of the better-than folks while also being horrified at the behavior of those very folks, i.e. Bernie Madoff, et. al.  Our current personal debt load and economic collapse can be directly tied to the American urge to keep up with . . . the Madoffs, et. al.

Narcissists and their better-than-you attitudes can create an environment within relationships that cause people to wither from life.  When this type of behavior manifests itself within close, personal relationships the effects can be dramatic.  Constant criticism, comments that are demeaning, jealousy, lack of affection, and reminders that they are less-than the narcissist are common.  Frequently faced with spoken and unspoken reminders of their less-than status, the target of narcissistic behavior can begin to question their value, their beliefs, their expertise, their motivation, and their self-esteem.  Frequently their mental and physical health will suffer.  Narcissists are very aware of the effects they have on others but they could care less.  The targets of their behavior are often confused and guilt-riddled wondering what on earth they could have done wrong or not good enough, or even neglected to do to justify receiving this treatment from their loved one.  As the narcissist manipulates the relationship, he/she displays the following characteristics:  sense of superiority, sense of entitlement, belief that they are unique and indispensible, demand for preferential treatment, use of others to their own advantage, inability to understand the feelings of others resulting in insulting or hurtful statements or behavior, paranoia, and when confronted, rage. 

This is exactly the culture that the Puritans, Quakers, Mennonites and others escaped from in the Old World but apparently it has found a new home here in America.  Well, as far as I am aware, there are no new, undiscovered continents to wrench from indigenous inhabitants, and no colony is yet established on Mars (although I could be wrong about that – those NASA, CIA, NSA, and other alphabet soup folks may already have swanky condos on Mars and, being the superior folks they are, just don’t want we less-than folks to know). 

In any case, maybe it is time for we perceived to be less-than folks to simply stand and state the obvious to the narcissists who bedevil us:  you are a jerk.  No one appreciates your stupidity and arrogance.  Knock it off or maybe we will band together like the Parisian rebels who overran the Bastille and throw you’re a** into the Seine.  Or Federal prison – either will do.