On the news yesterday I heard that the Feds have indicted John Edwards for potential misuse of political contributions. What a shame . . . cuz ain’t he a cutie? Doesn’t he have the sweetest boyish smile? He could have been President one day, for Heavens sake! I can see why his late wife Elizabeth found him attractive with that slow Southern drawl. And his late wife, Elizabeth, was the picture of a loving, supportive, smart potential First Lady. Their kids are all achievers and examples of America’s positive future.
THAT is what folks were thinking BEFORE we all found out that Edwards’ carefully crafted public image was a complete lie. That was before we watched Elizabeth cry, speak, and write about her broken family. And then she died. That was before we watched Edwards’ paramour parade their love child into court and everywhere else in disdain for the little, closed-minded, and judgmental attitudes of Americans – in her opinion.
How on earth can we resolve the gaping differences between the image that Edwards has carefully crafted for public consumption and the reality that becomes clearer everyday on the evening news? How can we understand his paramour’s apparent unconcern about the feelings of Edwards’ wife and children? Or even her own child who will one day learn the truth?
Many of us (including me) know the definitions of a lie and the truth, we are able to catch our kids in little lies by learning their tics and give-aways, and we are capable of searching out facts and comparing them with what we are told to make sure that both match. We are careful consumers and seek out facts, opinions, consumer reports, and more prior to making purchases. We scan our monthly utility bills, credit cards, and other bills to make sure that we are not overcharged or become victims of fraud. We actually read the Voters Pamphlet before placing our votes so that our conscience can rest easy. When we perceive a lie, we react in accordance with our values and morals and we feel justified in doing so. And most of us try to avoid lying – other than the occasional little white lies that assure our wives that their new dress does not make their caboose look big, our husbands that their obsession with local sports teams is a good thing, and our kids that their crayon drawings are potential art for the Louvre.
Most of us live in a world of truth. We try very hard to keep it this way. We know that truth is needed in order to maintain loving relationships. We believe that a fundamental American value is truth. We are shocked and angered by the thievery, deception, murderous, negative behavior of criminals. We protect our loved ones from them. We also protect our loved ones from aggressive dogs in the neighborhood, busy streets and cars whizzing by, lead paint, and every other potential harm – that we are aware of.
The political world exists in another dimension to most of us. All we know of most politicians is what we see, hear, and read in the media. Many of us make our voting decisions based on those observations. We do some research – online or in newspapers and magazines – but know that the research is probably reporting only what that politician wants us to know. But those are our only resources. And we place our trust – such as it is - in public officials based on that information.
We are shocked, stunned, angered, bewildered, and saddened when suddenly those media sources announce ‘Breaking News!’ that is completely incongruent with that we have always heard. This is made worse when the politician continues to lie during carefully staged public appearances and newscasts and blames the media for being a pack of wolves trying to ruin his reputation for the benefit other politicians. The wife and family of the politician appear on the media to announce their complete belief in and support for the politician. Congress takes up the issue and takes sides. The nightly news is consumed with the drama.
Sometimes it ends there and we are forever wondering about the truth. The media lose interest in the story and move on to other stories. But sometimes crack reporters, investigators, etc., are able to gain access to information that proves, without a doubt, that the politician has been lying to us, spinning the media, and all with that sweet, boyish smile that is completely disarming.
We are disgusted and shocked. We continue to watch the nightly news and are sickened when the story continues to evolve and becomes even more disgusting and shocking. For those of us who were of age when the Watergate scandal unfolded, the disenchantment and loss of sense of security in our American political system is once again triggered. Those were terrible days in our country. The entire population was flogged nightly with the unfolding realization that some of our political leaders are cheating, lying criminals. We processed that sad realization and we moved forward hoping another Watergate would never occur; hoping against hope that politicians would return to honesty; and hoping that we would one day learn to trust them again. For me, that day has never come and when I turn on the nightly news and hear about the activities of politicians such as Edwards, I am not shocked or surprised. Somehow such activities have become more rather than less normal for the folks existing in such ‘high’ places.
Here is a truth about politicians: most of them are lawyers. Here is a truth about lawyers: the most important aspect of the law, in their opinions and in their lives, is not what the laws says, but what the law does NOT say. Edwards’ statement on the nightly news is a perfect example, ‘I’ve done wrong, but I did not break the law’. You can bet your bottom dollar that Edwards and his army of lawyer-friends have thoroughly researched his use of contributions as payoff money to his paramour and whether the law states – with specificity – that how he did this was illegal. You see, evidently two of Edward’s buddies gave him huge contributions that were not specifically identified as being for political purposes and those contributions were then forwarded to Edwards’ paramour to shut her up and keep her out of the spotlight. The fact that while this was happening: 1) Edwards forced an employee of his to lie and take responsibility for fathering the child of Edwards and his paramour; 2) Edwards told an employee to send the funds to his paramour; 3) Edwards continued to maintain his political office and to politic for future political office; and 4) even as payments were made to Edwards’ paramour, with whom he continued to have an active relationship, Edwards stated that ‘he did not know that any such payments were being made; and 5) current law regarding political contributions states that contributions given to politicians are believed to be for their political efforts unless those contributions are specifically tagged as otherwise. None of this seems to matter to Edwards. Edwards and his army of lawyer-friends have decided for themselves that the laws for political contributions are not specific enough at this time to clearly identify his activities as illegal. And this is why Edwards is flashing his sweet, boyish smile on the nightly news again while he is thinking, ‘when is this ever going to end?’ even as he is stating to the media, ‘I take full responsibility for what I have done. I will regret for the rest of my life the pain and the harm that I have done.’ It is interesting that when the Court magistrate read the charges to Edwards and then asked him if he understood the charges, he did not answer respectfully ‘Yes, you’re Honor’. He answered, ‘Yes sir, I am an attorney’. I’m only surprised that he didn’t add a wink and chuckle when he said that.
The Federal indictment will go forward, Edwards will fight it, and we will all be dragged – once again – down the path of disgust in our politicians. Oh, and Congress will decide that new legislation is required to identify this specific activity and the way in which it was done as being illegal. They will pass a law, pat themselves on the back, and make personal notes to find ways to sneak around the new law in their own lives. After all, if a law does not specifically state that something is wrong, even if we know that it isn’t right, we can still do it without fear of the law. Right? That is how politicians think. They are lawyers; they know the law; they know what the law says and what it does not say. They write the laws and purposefully make them as vague as possible. They tell us that this is the democratic way. Laws are passed down to judges, federal agencies, and other entities to ‘interpret’ them and apply that interpretation which is frequently found to be vague, in conflict with some other law or legal decision or agency rule or regulation, in need of tightening up – and voila! Congress has another little chore to do to keep it busy while it completely ignores the bigger problems in America today. Maybe if we small folk send contributions to politicians in the future, we will also need to sign and send along a statement that reads something like: I understand that I am giving these funds to So-and-So bigwig politician for use in his political campaigns and NOT for use in: paying off paramours, supporting children born out of wedlock, using official vehicles to attend baseball games, bribery, extortion, cronyism, nepotism, patronage, graft, embezzlement, criminal enterprise . . .
You know what, forget it. I’m not contributing anymore. Let their rich cronies continue to pay for their stupid actions.
Edwards’ is a classic narcissist. As a matter of fact, there are quite a few of them clogging the nightly news lately. They include: Tiger Woods, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Iran’s “president” Ahmadinejad, the late Osama bin Laden, Egyptian “president” Hosni Mubarak, Charlie Sheen, Lindsay Lohan, and the list goes on. What – again – is a narcissist? For the love of yourself, your family, your neighbors, your city, town, and country, PLEASE print this list, keep it with you, and when your gut starts to tell you that something is wrong with a person, check this list!
Narcissistic personality disorder symptoms may include:
- Believing that you're better than others
- Fantasizing about power, success and attractiveness
- Exaggerating your achievements or talents
- Expecting constant praise and admiration
- Believing that you're special and acting accordingly
- Failing to recognize other people's emotions and feelings
- Expecting others to go along with your ideas and plans
- Taking advantage of others
- Expressing disdain for those you feel are inferior
- Being jealous of others
- Believing that others are jealous of you
- Trouble keeping healthy relationships
- Setting unrealistic goals
- Being easily hurt and rejected
- Having a fragile self-esteem
- Appearing as tough-minded or unemotional
Narcissists can be anyone and are not only celebrities, politicians, etc. If you encounter a narcissist or are ready to recognize a narcissist already in your life, please realize this:
| Treatment Treatment for this disorder is very rarely sought. There is a limited amount of insight into the symptoms, and the negative consequences are often blamed on society. In this sense, treatment options are limited. Some research has found long term insight oriented therapy to be effective, but getting the individual to commit to this treatment is a major obstacle. Prognosis Prognosis is limited and based mainly on the individual's ability to recognize their underlying inferiority and decreased sense of self worth. With insight and long term therapy, the symptoms can be reduced in both number and intensity. |
We are seeing, on the nightly news, the effects of being in a relationship with a narcissist. One need only look into the eyes and hear the words of (the late) Elizabeth Edwards, Maria Shriver, Elin Nordegren (the ex-Mrs. Tiger Woods) and the many other spouses, children, family members, and others who are harmed by the narcissists in their lives.
Maybe it is time that we begin treating these narcissists as exactly what they really are – 2-year-olds in an adult body, unable to control their emotions and actions, and focused solely on themselves. I say let’s put up the child gate and try to vote them out of office, boot them out of clubs and organizations, stop supporting them by attending their movies and concerts, and relegate them to the playpen. And for our own sanity let’s stop hoping that someday they will change, that someday they will show their loved ones and society the respect we deserve, that someday they will THINK about how the feelings of others might be affected BEFORE they act on their selfish desires. Most of all, for our own emotional health let’s understand that a narcissist will not, cannot, does not want to change. We cannot empathize, sympathize, teach, reason with, or otherwise help them – only professionals have a slim chance in hell of helping them. For our own emotional health, let’s learn to recognize and avoid them and if that is not possible, how to effectively deal with them.
- Take care of your self-esteem
- Accept that there are some things you cannot change
- Protect or regain some of your independence
- Learn to understand the narcissist
- Learn to identify and record the danger signs
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